I'm Not Menma, Damn It!
by Luster Shady
Summary: Apparently homeless and hungry, Naruto runs into a certain disowned heiress at Ichiraku's. (Rated T for said heiress' language). [NaruHina]
Naruto kicked a discarded soda can into a trash bin, corners if his mouth tugged downwards. As much as a frown did not suit his face, his smile was another thing Madara's world had turned upside down.

Sakura-chan being treated like such a hero had sting quite a bit. He had to work his ass off for people to simply notice him but she...not like it was real or anyway but he would only go to Ichiraku once a month if on other days he got the treatment Sakura-chan was getting.

Another disappointment was his parents not being alive. Of course the bastard would not do him any favors. Even enemies hated him more.

Not like Naruto wanted to run into fakes of the Fourth Hokage and the last Uzumaki.

"Son of a..." Naruto cursed as he sat down on a bench. "Homeless in my own damn village!" Frustration accented his words and a couple of passerby people commenting on his funny accent. No, not his, Menma's.

"My name is Naruto!" He yelled, getting up suddenly then realized how stupid it was to argue with an illusion, no matter how realistic.

 _No wonder people call you stupid._ Naruto thought. Back to the problem of being homeless; No way could he sleep at any of his friend's places. The blond shuddered at the memory of them all.

He looked at the Hokage monument, always visible from anywhere in Konoha and wondered if Sakura's parents were home. As much as he slightly resented her fake popularity Naruto knew enough about loneliness to wish for anyone else to have it.

Maybe he should offer to give her company...on second thought, even Naruto was not stupid enough to suggest they sleep under the same roof despite his pure intentions.

' _I wonder what happens if you die in this Genjutsu._ ' Naruto chuckled wryly.

His stomach grumbled and Naruto trudged his way back towards the markets. If Ichiraku was not the same then...

"Things will get more personal than ever, Madara!" The Orange-clad ninja snarled as he sprinted off.

* * *

"Old man, I want more naruto (fishcake) in this, and quit calling me Menma!" Naruto tried not to sound hysterical. Ichiraku was delicious as ever, and in his bliss he had forgotten to check the contents of his fourth bowl.

The result was that he had bitten into some menma, the fermented bamboo abomination. It was a sin to mix something so foul in holy ramen.

"Sorry Men-Naruto, we just ran out. You never order them anyway." Chef Teuchi raised a placating hand, and Naruto dropped his glare from almost being called that stupid name again.

"Oi, Menma." Who the _hell_ was it this time-

Naruto whipped his head around with half the mind to finally scream but stopped short at the sight of Hinata. Short like her top and shorts, the jacket unzipped.

The initial Hyuga heiress (any surprise why she was removed from the running?) Cocked an eyebrow at the blond, as if daring him to say something that would cause her displeasure, all the while a cool smirk playing on her purple lips.

"H-h-hinata-ch-chan?" Naruto stuttered, dropping his chopsticks in his bowl. The girl took the stool next to him, chin up and eyes locked with his without showing any sign of fainting.

"You've never called me Hinata-chan before, Menma." His eye twitched, but given how she had acted with Sakura Naruto did not have will to correct her.

"Hey old man! Give me anything you have." Hinata ordered brusquely. Naruto narrowed his eyes.

"Oi, show some respect to him will ya?" He snapped. Illusion or not, no one was rude to the man who was one of the very first to acknowledge Naruto. Not on this jinchuuriki's watch.

Hinata have him a look that was a mixture of annoyance and surprise. Usually Menma always ignored her, and it wasn't like he was so mannered himself.

"Ramen, please." Hinata huffed. There was visible shock on the faces behind the counter, although Naruto had resumed eating and failed to notice Teuchi and Ayame drop their jaws before wilting under the glare of the Hyuga and rushing to prepare a bowl of miso ramen.

"So, can I consider this a date?" Hinata teased. ' _I don't know what's wrong with him today, but at least he didn't run like he usually does!'_

Naruto choked on a piece of meat. Memories came rushing to him of the other, gentle Hinata. The one who risked her life for _him_ \- for Uzumaki Naruto - because she loved him.

His chest felt tight and somehow he found himself wishing that he was back in reality with her instead. Even if she was a little weird with, but if she loved...him...and for the first time in his life he knew right away what a woman meant.

"Don't be stupid." Naruto said to the fake at last. Hinata just stared while the two behind the counter lightly gasped.

' _Does he have a death wish today?_ ' The father and daughter thought, seeing the kunoichi biting her lower lip.

"I'm not paying for you, it's no date." And everyone in vicinity promptly sweatdropped.

' _That's what he's worried about?_ ' Hinata thought.

And it was no joke, Genjutsu or not Gama-chan's contained little money.

"Pfft," Hinata chuckled. Menma was dense at times and funny, part of the reason why she liked him. "Please, I'm a Hyuga. I could buy this stand if I wanted to."

A bowl of miso was place in front of her and Hinata grabbed a pair of chopsticks. Despite how she was dressed, Naruto noticed she ate quite elegantly.

"So, er... Naruto, what brought on the sudden change?" Old Teuchi asked.

"A lot is going on." Naruto replied without his usual cheery demeanor. "I'm glad your ramen tastes the same even in a Genjutsu." The civilians did not pick up what he muttered lastly but the kunoichi perked up, activating her Byakugan.

Ayame quickly retreated behind her father as the blood vessels pulsed on Hinata's face.

"I see no Genjutsu." She scowled. "And why is he calling you Naruto, Menma?"

"Because I'm not Menma!" The girl reached out and grabbed her crush by the collar, staring intently, Byakugan scaring the scrap out of Naruto.

"A-anoo...Hinata...San?" Naruto managed to say as she inched her face closer.

"You don't seem to be in a Genjutsu, why do you keep calling yourself Naruto?" She said. Something else also registered. "Why did you use 'san'? Call me Hinata-chan!" Although she tried to act angry there was a hint of nervousness in her voice.

"Okay Hinata-chan! Can I have my ramen in peace now?" Naruto pleaded. He wrapped his hand around her wrist.

Hinata noticed she was still holding the collar of his jacket. And he was...Menma was...touching her hand...

With a jerk she quickly released him, turning the other way to hide her blushing cheeks as her Byakugan deactivated.

And Naruto, being Naruto, went back to his ramen, leaving everyone who had happened to see the scene, the new customers or those passing by the street state at the wildest girl in all of Konoha, the child Hiashi Hyuga himself could not control, flustered like a schoolgirl.

She resumed her meal quietly, and when the time came to pay, she was surprised to see Menma call out "Here's money for four bowls old man!" Showing that dazzling smile of his. It didn't take the Byakugan to see the boy had only three bowls himself.

"Oh, is the fourth one-" Teuchi began but Naruto 'Sshed!' Loudly and left.

The girl quickly followed, a small smile on her lips.

"Wait, Menma!" He didn't turn. "You paid for me, that makes it a date right?" He still carried on, looking at the sky with his arms behind his head.

Hinata quickly strode over and stood in front, blocking path. Oh, she would make him look at her tonight.

"Are you going to leave in the middle of a date?" Naruto turned his face, pouting in frustration.

"I just paid 'cause I felt like it, what kind of guy does not take care of a girl?" Honestly, if it wasn't for the fact he had no place to go to he'd have escaped like the ANBU-evading prankster he was. "And for the last time, I'm not Menma!" Naruto wondered if Madara planned to drive him insane by making everyone call him Menma.

Hinata was about to drag him by the arm like she usually did but something about his uncharacteristic seriousness prevented her from doing so.

Naruto on the other hand noticed some passerby men and boys of various ages looking towards them, or to be specific, Hinata. Something about their eyes made his blood warm up.

Illusion or not, he could not _not_ be bothered about those leering gazes directed towards Hinata-chan, the real Hinata's body drawn with great detail. It wasn't hers, she was just a copy based off the real girl and yet...

"Put that zipper up." Naruto spoke barely above a whisper, clenching his fist the more he felt uneasy.

"Why do you care if I want to look sexy?" Hinata shot back, but Naruto did glared back. The real Hinata would certainly side with him.

"Don't go around showing off what's not yours!" Naruto said, referring to the appearance that did not belong to the illusion but someone else instead and then clamped down. What the hell had he just said? Well, if it was the real Hinata-chan then sure, his opinion be damned but Naruto was pretty sure she would never dress like this.

The words had another effect on the illusion than he expected. She blushed all the way to her neck. And what Hinata at that moment was thinking was...

' _What does he mean by that? My body doesn't belong to me then who- is he saying I belong to him? Is that why he acts so annoyed around me? He's never bothered about it before._ '

"I'm sorry, just leave me alone." Okay, bad boy Menma is good, but this mature man standing in front of her is even more attractive.

"Sorry Menma. I get it. You don't want anyone else to see me." Hinata said as she pulled up her zipper. A look of relief crossed Naruto's face, although uncertain. She looked a bit bashful as she continued, though her thoughts.

"You want to be the only one who looks at me." She sauntered up to him, lipstick decorated mouth near his ear. He could feel her hot breath.

"In fact, you're allowed to see much more." Naruto stumbled backwards, muttering something that sounded a lot like ' _Damn you Madara!_ '

"What's next, Sasuke loves his brother?" Naruto said to the sky, as if the ancient Uchiha would hear him.

A breeze flew past and a piece of paper whacked into his face. Cursing Naruto opened to give it a glance and paled.

 _Uchiha Itachi Fan club!_

 _The strongest ninja Konoha has ever produced! To join, contact the club leader:_ **Uchiha Sasuke**.

Wind-natured chakra tore the paper to tiny shreds before Naruto could melt his brain.

"Hey." Crap, he had briefly forgotten about Hinata. Without a word she took his hand in hers in an iron grip, and when he tried to resist deft fingers shot out and sealed a few of his tenketsu at the wrist.

"W-Where are we going?" Naruto was tempted to use a substitution jutsu with anything nearby but did not want to incur the Hyuga's wrath.

"A-Ano, Hinata-chan, why do you want to go on a date with me so much?" Naruto finally asked, his own brain too tired. The very brain that had perfected the Rasengan could not figure out anything when it came to this girl.

" _Why?_ " She sounded incredulous. "Of course it's…I mean uh…you're very cool…strong…and handsome to top it all off…" A blush crept up her face as she tried to continue, and Naruto was even more confused.

(Unbeknownst to him, if Hinata's mirror image was so foxy on the outside and shy on the inside, then the real Hinata…give or take a few months or a year Naruto was going to be in for a surprise. Perhaps at night, with just the two of them.)

"I-I mean…shit, you probably think I'm shallow or something now but, you've always inspired me! I can't take someone annoying me, and even when people we horrible to you, you just smiled. Ever since we were kids, I've been watching you, and no one notices just how damn brave you are!"

For a brief moment Naruto wondered if he had been stalked by Madara all his life. People with bloodlines could infiltrate and the mind and steal memories, but as far as he knew the Sharingan couldn't do that.

And all that was happening around him was definitely not his heart's desire; he knew he would never want the Fourth's face to disappear off the monument, no matter how much he wanted a family.

Naruto had not wished his father did not save the village as a Hokage, he had childishly wanted his father to be even _stronger_ and survive saving the village.

"I-I don't know what kind of girls you like, but I'd be damned if I sucked up to you like those bitches around that bastard Sasuke, and so I just stayed true to myself, even if it meant rebelling against my family, as long as you would look at me! If only you would acknowledge me!" Hinata's speech was fast and she kept looking down but forcing herself to meet his eyes now and again, Naruto's face showing more and more shock by the second.

"I know I get jealous, way too much, but it just hurts me and I just take it out on others. I'm sorry for that but…I can't help it if I love you." Hinata was fidgeting now, poking her index fingers together like back when she was a genin in Naruto's memory.

"You never give up and you don't go back on your word…because that is your Ninja Way…"

"Hinata-chan." The blushing maiden looked up at the boy she had professed her feelings to, a sad smile adorning his face. "I'm really sorry but this isn't real. This is all just a Genjutsu, cast by a man who has the strongest Sharingan at the moment."

"Strongest? And this isn't making any sense, Menma-kun! I just confessed to you!" Anger flowed through her veins again.

"I'm not Menma, I'm Uzumaki Naruto. Son of the Fourth Hokage and jinchuuriki of the Nine-Tailed Fox." Naruto spoke with a serious tone, smiling as he continued at Hinata's astonished expression. "And the future Hokage of the Leaf! Believe it!"

"Na-ru-to?" Hinata enunciated slowly. The blond grinned and flew away the next moment.

Courtesy of the gentle fist strike that had been pummeled into his stomach.

"What the _fuck_ have you been drinking?" Hinata glowered. "And what's this crap about the second strongest Sharingan? Just where did you come from that has the strongest Sharingan?" Not that it was in anyway superior to the Byakugan but she was too pissed to think about that.

Naruto stood up shakily. Of course he deserved it for tossing aside a confession like that, illusion or not, a part of his brain was yelling at him to treat girls with more delicacy even if Sakura-chan wasn't around.

"Not that you'd believe me but, Uchiha Madara is alive, even if you don't know him. The guy who took on the First Hokage and still lived." Naruto spoke with begrudging respect. The incensed kunoichi rushed forth again, hands balled into fists instead of the open-palm Gentle Fist form.

"And the Hinata in my world-" Heels skidded to a halt as pale eyes widened. The Leaf's most unpredictable ninja ruffled the hair on his neck.

"Is awesome as hell!" Thinking back to the purple jacket and lustrous, long hair flowing in the wind, charging into a fight she had no chance of winning only because…Naruto knew too well what it felt like to want to protect others.

"And this Hinata of yours, does she love you?" The one in front of him asked, bangs covering her eyes.

"Of course!"

"And do you love her?"

Naruto was silent enough for her to look up at him, his face sad.

"Even if I do, she's a Hyuga and I'm just, well, me." Blue eyes burned with resolve. "But once I become Hokage, I'll definitely be worthy of her! Believe it!" He placed a hand on her shoulder.

"I'm sure this Menma will notice you too! Never give up." Naruto nearly jumped back at the tears in her eyes, scratching his cheek due to the awkwardness. But the next moment she smirked back.

"Oh, you bet he will. By the way, want to visit a hospital? Since when is Minato-san a Hokage? Maybe he'll be able to do something about you when he comes back."

Silence filled the street, except for the night wind blowing.

"Dad is _alive_?!"

"Maybe I should get Kushina-san to check for any brain damage as well."

" _Wha_ -WHAAAT?!"

* * *

Just a hasty one-shot.I suck at writing romance, it's my first Naruto fanfic, I didn't have the time to put more effort in it despite being to able to a decent job at this lovey-dovey shite. *ahem*

Honestly, there was so little NaruHina interaction in the movie and so I finally wrote this to sate the reason why they didn't interact much. Um, review? Wish I could have made it longer but I have exams (how else can a writer find time to write, right?)


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